by Rob Stewart | Jan 8, 2016 | Marriage
Is sugar hurting your marriage? It was trying to harm mine!
Do you have a sweet-tooth? Do your breakfast cereals come in two varieties (pre-sweetened and “post-sweetened”)? Can you sometimes relate a bit too easily to the “Buddy the Elf diet”?
I had such a sweet-tooth as a child that I would sometimes sneak into the kitchen, open the fridge and drink the Hershey’s syrup from the container. Though that particular practice ended during adolescence, I continued to find many other exciting ways to get my “sugar fix.”
And, because I was able to largely avoid putting on unwanted pounds (mostly because of my exercising), I didn’t realize how much I was harming myself — and even my family.
More about that in a moment.
Did you know?
As recently as a few years ago I mistakenly thought the two largest risks associated with sugar consumption were cavities and hyper children. However, with help from medical professionals and some of my own subsequent research, I am beginning to understand how uninformed I was regarding my “sugar addiction”. Consider the following statistics:
While the list goes on, let me quickly share my unexpected pre-diabetes diagnosis from 2013 and how my wife and I have actually benefited from this “bad news.”
**Note** – In addition to the term pre-diabetes, my condition was also referred to as hypoglycemia and insulin resistance.
My unexpected journey
I have spent much of my life exhausted! Many of you can probably. Let me give you a brief sampling:
- I fell asleep while on a date with my wife. We had just started dating at the time and we were playing board games with other couples. Before long, I had fallen asleep. Classy, right?! I am lucky that this sweet girl still agreed to marry me.
- Years ago, when we were newlyweds, a neighborhood couple invited us to watch a movie at their place. I was asked to go to Blockbuster (do you remember those movie rental stores?) and pick out a movie. I returned to their place, popped in the movie and promptly fell asleep during the opening credits.
- A few years later I thought I would be a good brother-in-law and took my wife’s younger brother to a movie. Our bonding hit a snag when I fell asleep in the theater and again slept through the whole movie.
I could go on, but you get the point. During those years I was earning my Bachelors, Masters, and Doctorate degrees. Likewise, we were raising five young and energetic children. I attributed my constant fatigue to simply having a busy life!
In addition to my constant sleepiness, I had other health concerns. For instance, I was increasingly becoming light headed, I began experiencing positional vertigo whenever I would bend down, and I even began to frequently use a portion of my lunch hour to take naps in my car – simply to have enough energy to make it through the day. Finally, even though I was an avid distance runner, I consistently had high blood pressure, high cholesterol and high triglycerides.
The Diagnosis
In October of 2013 I was tested and subsequently received my diagnosis of prediabetes. I was also told that the fatigue, light-headedness, high blood pressure, etc. were likely all symptoms of my condition.
I left the doctor’s office fairly devastated as I quickly realized that many things would need to change! For someone who had previously quipped that my two favorite hobbies were eating and running, this was going to be quite a change indeed (at least for one of my favorite hobbies).
Unexpected Blessings
My initial pity-party quickly gave way to immense gratitude. Just days after greatly reducing sugars from my diet (i.e. rarely eating desserts, eliminating sugary drinks, etc.), reducing simple carbohydrates, and increasing the amount of vegetables I ate, I began to feel better than I had felt since childhood.
My vertigo immediately disappeared and I no longer needed to take “emergency naps” to make it through the work day. What’s more, my blood pressure, cholesterol and triglycerides have all improved.
In fact, I began to feel so much better that I no longer viewed my dietary changes as a sacrifice. This had turned into an incredible blessing!
And, while my wife and I have always had a good marriage, my improved health also began blessing our marriage in a variety of ways! I am now less fatigued when I return home from work. We are able to spend more time together in the evening. I have more energy to give to my wife (as well as my children) throughout each week. And this improved health also increases the likelihood of me being a part of their lives for decades to come.
How does this apply to you?
Clearly your genes are different than mine. You may never be afflicted with pre-diabetes or diabetes. However, in my research, I have noticed that some researchers and medical professionals are now referring to sugar as a toxin – and one that we consume in dangerous quantities. Yikes!
So, while I am no doctor (well no medical doctor anyway), I wonder if your health, and even your marriage, may also benefit from reducing your sugar intake. I’m guessing that it would!
If your life would benefit from improved health or increased energy, I invite you to join me in a quest during 2016 to reduce sugar intake. What do you have to lose?
Please help us strengthen families by sharing this article with your friends and family! Likewise, to see more of Dr. Rob’s articles (as well as articles by Dr. Tim), please also visit our website and Facebook page.
by Rob Stewart | Dec 17, 2015 | home, Marriage
I’m guessing most of you women are already done holiday shopping – and some of you have probably been done since August. On the other hand, I suspect that most of you men are not done holiday shopping – and some of you probably won’t start until Christmas Eve.
Regardless of your gender or the amount of Christmas shopping you’ve already accomplished, let me suggest a gift that you can offer that will be more important than any other gifts you will give this holiday season – the gift of increased love for your spouse!
Allow me to explain.
Defining Love
Love can be defined in a variety of ways. Dictionary.com, for instance, defines love as a profoundly tender, passionate affection for another person. Meriam-Webster offers another definition: affection based on admiration, benevolence or common interests.
While I like these definitions, let me share two of my favorite descriptions of love. They are as profound as they are simple.
- Love is a decision
- Love is a verb
What do these principles look like when applied in a marriage?
Love is a decision
In my professional life, I teach a Preparing for Marriage class at BYU-Idaho. We discuss in great detail the importance of “choosing well” when it comes to spouse selection. As far as life’s choices go, this decision really is one of the most important!
Once married though, we must constantly choose if we will show love to our spouse (even when they may be less lovable). This often comes easily during engagement and the “honeymoon period” of a marriage. However, it’s just as important to keep loving our spouse as time goes on. Yes, this means loving them when they are grumpy, if they lose their hair, if they put on a few pounds, if they are challenged with depression, or even if they struggle with the same weaknesses for an extended period of time. You get the idea.
Love really is a decision! But, it isn’t simply a one-time decision made prior to marriage. We have to decide every day to truly love our spouse! This holiday season, I challenge you to choose today, tomorrow, and each day to love your spouse with all of your heart.
Love is a verb
Not only is love something we have to choose every day, but it’s also something that requires action. For instance, it’s one thing for me to tell my wife that I love her (and I do frequently). However, with 5 energetic children, she often feels even more love when I do the dishes or fold the laundry.
For your spouse, “showing love” may mean watching a sappy movie or enjoying a ballgame together. It might mean going out dancing or buying a thoughtful gift. Maybe it means taking more time to kiss or spending more time nourishing your sexual stewardship. And perhaps it could also include helping out more with the kids or with household chores.
While it’s critical to frequently say “I love you,” it may be even more important to consistently show “I love you.” And remember, showing that love each day is truly a choice!
Regardless of whatever other gifts you may buy this holiday season, give your spouse a little extra love this Christmas. This is a gift that will be truly treasured!
Please help us strengthen families by sharing this article with your friends and family! Likewise, to see more of Dr. Rob’s articles (as well as articles by Dr. Tim), please also visit our
website and
Facebook page.
by Rob Stewart | Sep 30, 2015 | Marriage
While unhappy marriages may be unhappy for a variety of reasons, happy marriages have at least one trait in common. Simply put, in successful marriages both the husband and the wife prioritize their marriage. With never ending to-do lists and distracting technology, happy couples constantly look for ways to spend time together and nourish their marriage. These couples have learned to sift through distraction and focus on what matters most.
But this can be so challenging!
One challenge for preserving this couple time is our expanding work hours. Renowned marriage researcher Dr. John Gottman noted that contemporary couples are spending an average of 1000 more hours each year working as compared to couples just a few decades ago.
Part of this increase is due to substantially more dual-income couples than there were in previous generations. For instance, from 1950 to 2000, there was over a 250% increase in the percentage of women working. And, some of these extra hours are simply the result of increased work hours in general.
Technology: the good, the bad, and the ugly
Technology can be another large obstacle in our quest to prioritize sufficient time to nourish our marriage. Consider the following:
- One study found that adults watch an average of 2 hours and 48 minutes of TV per day.
- Another recent report suggested that people are spending an average of an additional 2 hours and 57 minutes on their smartphones or tablet each day.
- As of January of this year, it was reported that we spend an average of 1.72 hours per day with social media.
- A few years ago a TED speaker noted that, worldwide, we spend 3 billion hours a week playing video games.
To be clear, technology in and of itself isn’t inherently good or bad. Within all those hours mentioned above, there is undoubtedly a substantial amount of valuable time spent with media. However, far too many individuals squander precious time that could be used to strengthen their relationship with their spouse (and children) by spending inordinate amounts of time with technology and other forms of entertainment.
For those couples who truly want to have a happy marriage, they simply cannot afford to spend their best energy pursuing selfish activities. Plainly speaking, a never ending pursuit of entertainment and amusement can derail any marriage.
A Little Introspection
Do we see marriage for what it is? Do we recognize this relationship as the most important relationship we can ever form on Earth? Does our use of time reflect how much we treasure this relationship?
Do we truly demonstrate that we treasure our spouse by willingly turning off the TV when our spouse wants to talk? Do we prioritize our spouse’s needs more than our own interests and pursuits? And do we readily forego entertainment in order to help our spouse with housework?
If you feel like you have some room for improvement, don’t worry — so do I! If entertainment, media, and/or technology has prevented you from being the type of spouse you want to be, resolve now to be better!
Our spouse deserves a man (or woman) who will intentionally limit or avoid ever-present time wasters that could otherwise prevent us from maximizing the happiness within our marriage. Let’s resolve now to be such a man or woman!
Please help us strengthen families by sharing this article with your friends and family! Likewise, to see more of Dr. Rob’s articles (as well as articles by Dr. Tim), please also check out the rest of our
blog and our Facebook page.
by Rob Stewart | Jul 27, 2015 | Marriage
We all know we should exercise regularly. For those of you already in the habit of exercising, you know that you have more confidence, feel happier, and have more energy when you take time to be active. However, did you know that exercise provides benefits to your marriage as well?
Take a moment and consider how each of the following items could improve your marriage:
- Living a longer life
- Having less stress
- Sleeping more soundly
- Receiving instant mood boosts
- Having more confidence
- Being sick less often
- Having more energy
- Maintaining a healthy body weight
- Reducing the risk of life threatening diseases
- Being more productive
- Finding a healthy outlet for your anger
- Looking younger
- Feeling younger
- Having an improved self-image
- Increasing your likelihood of happiness
University Teaching
When I teach this particular lesson to my university students, I ask them to rank each item from 1-5 (with a 1 being “not helpful for marriage” and 5 being “extremely helpful for marriage”). As you can imagine, most students rank each of these items quite high.
In fact, last week one young lady raised her hand and said “I feel kind of selfish, but all of these things would benefit my marriage and I want them all.”
The good news is that these benefits are available to each of us – provided we take the time to consistently exercise.
Not convinced yet?
Recently a colleague of mine, and a PhD in psychology, noted that if the benefits of exercise could somehow be sold as a pill it would be the most prescribed drug on earth. What a fascinating perspective!
Still not convinced?
If you’re still not ready to lace up your cross-trainers, consider the research behind just 3 of the above listed benefits:
1. Those who exercise live longer
Ask yourself a few questions. First, would living longer be a blessing to your partner? Would living longer be a blessing for your children? I suspect for most of you the answer is a resounding “yes.” Not only do we cherish our relationship with our loved ones, but we want to enjoy those relationships for many more years.
However, the number one cause of death in the United States is cardiovascular disease – a condition that is often preventable. Fortunately, according to scientific research, those who consistently exercise reduce their risk of this disease by 50% and, subsequently, increase the likelihood of additional years with their loved ones.
2. Those who exercise manage their stress better
Does stress impact your relationship with your spouse? Are you more prone to be short-tempered, unkind, or a poor listener when you feel stressed?
Recent research suggests that those who consistently exercise for at least 3 times per week for 20 minutes (or more) are more apt to effectively manage their stress than those who do not exercise. That is some beneficial multi-tasking – burn calories and stress at the same time.
3. Those who exercise sleep more soundly
Life can be exhausting at times. Regardless if our fatigue stems from having young children in the home, putting in long hours in the office, or having other time consuming pursuits, life can be tiring.
Though there is something to be said for prioritizing sufficient rest, research once again offers us some hope. Those who exercise fall asleep more quickly, sleep more soundly and awake more rejuvenated than those who do not exercise.
Exercise because you love your spouse
Regardless if you already love exercising or if you hate it with a passion, you do value your marriage. So, the next time you get tempted to cross off exercising from your busy to-do list, remember the many ways that this one activity can benefit your marriage.
Please help us strengthen families by sharing this article with your friends and family! Likewise, to see more of Dr. Rob’s articles (as well as articles by Dr. Tim), please also check out the rest of our
blog and our
Facebook page.
by Rob Stewart | Jun 16, 2015 | Marriage
Marriage really can be wonderful!
I’m definitely in favor of marriage and the joy that can be found in it. Unfortunately, a few sneaky myths can fatally harm a marriage before it even begins. For example, think about the dangers that could await the woman (or man) who views marriage as their great escape! Expecting life to magically become perfect once you’re married is as unrealistic as it is dangerous.
Let’s look a bit more closely at this first deadly expectation.
Deadly Expectation #1: Everything will be better once I am married
Over the last decade, I’ve taught hundreds of university-age students. While these students are wonderful and a joy to teach, some of them fall into the “I’ll be happy when ___” trap. And, while this can be “I’ll be happy when I’ve graduated” or “I’ll be happy when I land my dream job,” far too often students believe “I’ll finally be happy when I’m married.”
Dangers of Deadly Expectation #1
Can you imagine how incredibly difficult life must be for the spouse of someone who has this unrealistic marital expectations? If someone expects a life of ease, constant bliss, and an absence of trials, how could you ever hope to make him or her happy? Unrealistic expectations can poison a marriage even before it begins.
Sadly, too many marriages have ended unnecessarily because one or both spouses had an unrealistic fantasy of what marriage should be like — while not being willing to put forth the effort to make the marriage wonderful.
Deadly Expectation #2: Marriage is bound to fail
Teaching university marriage classes is both enjoyable and challenging. Not only are there some students each semester who long to be rescued (myth #1), but, just as dangerous (and possibly even more prevalent) is the expectation some students have that their future marriage will be doomed to failure.
A study of high school students found that some of the respondents gave themselves a 100% chance of divorce if they married in the future. Yikes! How can some people have such a negative view on marriage?
When covering the topic of divorce in my marriage class I do an attention-getting activity to start the lesson.
First, I have the students move their desks into a semicircle and I place a box in the middle of the room. Next, I give each student four Starbursts (one of each color). I also write on the board something like this: red = 1, yellow = 2, pink = 3, orange = 4+.
The students then make a tally of the number of divorces experienced by family members or close friends. Finally, on the count of three, I have them toss the appropriate Starburst into the box.
Each time I do this exercise, almost every student ends up tossing a Starburst at the box. Many even toss in the Starbursts that represent a higher number of divorces.
This is always an eye opening exercise for me and for my students. With so many divorces in society today, can you see how some people start to lose hope in having a happy marriage?
Dangers of Deadly Expectation #2
You may have heard of the social science term “self-fulfilling prophecy.” The term can be defined as a prediction that causes itself to come true. In other words, because we expect a certain outcome (often negative), we’ll do things that virtually guarantee that outcome.
So, if a surveyed high school student, a terrified college student, or any of you believe that marriages are doomed to failure, your marriages may indeed be at great risk – ironically due to those very expectations.
What’s the solution?
You have to believe that wonderful marriages exist! (There really are so many of them.) Find those marriages and find out what makes them strong. Then, form your own realistically high expectations for your own marriage. In other words, expect your marriage to be wonderful – then nourish it, prioritize it, and treat it in such a way that it will become wonderful.
However, please also remember to expect challenges. Then, rather than becoming disenchanted with marriage when life gets hard, you can work to find joy with your spouse. As you work together to face challenges hand-in-hand, your marriage truly can be wonderful!
Please help us strengthen families by sharing this article with your friends and family! Likewise, to see more of Dr. Rob’s articles (as well as articles by Dr. Tim), please also check out the rest of our
blog and our
Facebook page.
